Sure Fire Way To Find Out You’re A Terrible Person

Nothing like parenting teens to find out you are a terrible person.

We’re having a popularity crisis at our house.

What do you expect in house filled with teens?

How sweet of you to offer your sincere compassion about our kids.

Actually, you can save your concern.

For them.

They are fine.

It’s we parents who are not doing so well.

In case you haven’t heard–

We are terrible people.

Truly.

Terrible.

One teen this week was not allowed to drive home by herself through a bad neighborhood at 1 am.

You gasp at our controlling nature.

Oh, it gets worse.

We get meaner.

The other teen blew through her monthly allotment of cell phone data in 3 days.  This, after being denied data for two months because she had used more than triple her share.

Goodbye data for the rest of the month.

How will we ever justify to Child Protective Services that our child must wait until she has access to free Wifi before she can post on SnapChat?

To raise teenagers is to find out what a truly despicable person you are.

And were it that it stopped with the teenaged humans.

The 16-year-old dog is still giving me dirty looks for the bath I gave her two days ago.

Call PETA!

She’s been denied the stink she worked on for weeks and the fleas she so carefully collected.


The three-legged cat, age unknown, but probably born a teen due to sass alone, is ticked that I won’t let her out on the deck before I go to bed.

Yes, I know warm summer nights and fireflies beckon.

I also know that come, say about 2:34 am, she’s not going to be happy out there.

I will be even less happy to get out of bed to bring her back in the house.

Because she will let me know she wants back in.

Loudly.

The whole neighborhood will know.

So, no, wailing cat, you are not going back out on the deck after 10 p.m.

Together, the four of them would start their own political action committee to get me deported if they could.

With or without teens under your roof, I suspect you get it, Dear Reader.

That to do what’s right,

With your kids,

At work,

In public,

Often means giving up your Miss Popularity crown.

There is one redeeming aspect to winning this unpopularity contest.

I have company.

Husband is just as hate worthy as I.

Never have I appreciated company so much.

We might not be popular.

But we are right.

I’ve heard reports from those who have ventured into Teen Land before us there is a cure for our current status.

It’s called time.

Supposedly, somewhere between the first year of college and having their first kid, they decide we parents are likeable.

Might even seek advice.

You know, on the right thing to do.

Meanwhile, if like to be serenaded in midnight off-key meows, I know a cat you can borrow.

And my dog insists any flea donations will be tax deductible.

(((Please catch my column each week in The Atlanta Journal Constitution, The Dayton Daily News and other Cox Newspapers across the country.)

And if you like my column about parenting thing, you might like my book–

“Hope Possible: A Network News Anchor’s Thoughts On Losing Her Job, Finding Love, A New Career, And My Dog, Always My Dog.”

final front cover

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Sure Fire Way To Find Out You’re A Terrible Person

by DarynKagan time to read: 2 min
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