Why I Got Naked To Eat An Orange And Find Out What I’m Missing Out On

Getting naked to eat an orange in the shower to figure out what I'm missing out on.

I got naked this week.

I get naked every week,

Every day, for that matter.

This week,

I did it for you.

For this column.

To test a trap I’ve fallen into since high school.

The “I’m missing out,” trap.

It started with that friend,

Perhaps, you know her, too, Dear Reader.

The one who always described every party,

Every adventure,

Every ordinary lunch,

As, “Amazing! We had the best time!”

As a teen, those breathless reports left me in a common state of insecurity.

The parties I went to were fun.

But not over the top amazing!

Was I going to the wrong parties?

Hanging out with the wrong people?

Missing out on the best life had to offer?

Which brings me to the orange.

There’s this post going around the internet.

It started on Reddit.

One user waxing poetic on the incredible experience of eating an orange.

Naked.

In the shower.

“Not worrying if you’re going to get sticky, or anything. Just ripping it in half, and tearing into it with your teeth like a savage cannibal who hasn’t eaten in a week! This is the most carnal, ferocious, liberating thing a man can do.”

Thousands are commenting and sharing.

Was I missing out?

Off came my clothes, as I grabbed an orange and headed into the shower.

Where I was immediately reminded of my reality.

The lingering essence of lavender puppy shampoo.

Puppy would tell you rubbing her neck in some other dog’s poop is the most “amazing” smell ever.

There are limits.

I won’t try that one.

And I had put an end to Pup’s amazing smell adventure with a scrubbing an hour earlier.

Hence the lingering smell.

Still, my hopes were high.

I like oranges.

This been a particularly good orange year.

With the water running, I started peeling.

Indeed, I could eat without worrying about sticky fingers.

Juice running down past my wrists.

And,

And,

It was an orange.

A good one.

But no better than what I’ve had in my kitchen,

My car,

Sitting at my dining room table.

This all brought me back to that high school friend.

Back when I tested out her “Amazing.”

I went to a party with her.

Where we had a nice time.

Nothing over the top.

Or so I thought.

Until I heard someone ask her the next day.

“How was the party?”

“Amazing!” Friend replied.

That’s when I got it.

Either friend was a huge embellisher.

Or she really felt things I didn’t.

Or don’t.

A precursor for life with social media.

Where so many have the most amazing, perfect children.

Over the top vacations.

Delicious oranges.

It’s not that I’m missing out.

I just feel what I feel.

Time to stop chasing someone else’s amazing

Someone else’s orange.

Time to clean up.

Leftover orange peel would take a while to explain to Husband.

How will I do that?

Not sure, only I can promise you,

My story will be amazing!

What about you? You tired of chasing someone else’s orange? Been there? Lost the comparison game? Please let me know in the new comment box below.

((Please catch my column each week in The Atlanta Journal Constitution, The Dayton Daily News and other Cox Newspapers across the country.)))

And if you enjoy this column about figuring out life, you might enjoy my book,

“Hope Possible: A Network News Anchor’s Thoughts On Losing Her Job, Finding Love, A New Career, And My Dog, Always My Dog.”

final front cover

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Why I Got Naked To Eat An Orange And Find Out What I’m Missing Out On

by DarynKagan time to read: 2 min
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