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I know the theme of this website is, "Show The World What's Possible!"
And I know I feature some pretty incredible stuff that stretches the limits of your mind.
But gotta say, this one had me going, "No way."
Merrill Lynch is offering my dog a credit card.
I kid you not. The offer came in the yesterday's mail.
"Dear Darla Kagan," it reads, "You are invited to apply for the MERRILL+ Visa Credit Card—with rewards and benefits that make it one of the most rewarding cards in the market today."
Well, goody goody for Darla!
The nice folks at Merrill go on to tell Darla that this is a "financial privilege that you deserve!"
Really? Based on what? As much as Miss Darla Louise adds to this home in terms of love, joy, and protection, I don't remember the last time she kicked a penny into the household coffers.
The offer goes onto describe, "the benefits that you'll enjoy," and assure her of the flexibility and convenience you can count on!"
Before Darla had the chance to put us in the poor house with a maxed out credit card full of charges for kibble and her beloved golf balls, I decided I should call Merrill Lynch.
Ringy Dingy Ringy Dingy. Went through those oh-so-annoying prompts of "push 1 for this…push 2 for that." Funny, Merrill Lynch has no prompts for "push 4 if you want to cancel your dog's credit card."
So, I just pushed some random number. "Hello, this is Brenda. Can I help you open your Merrill Lynch Visa account?" Unfortunately, "Brenda" was determined to do everything by the company book and had no sense of humor.
"Well, actually, no, Brenda, you can't. I'm just calling to tell you Merrill Lynch is offering a credit card to my dog."
Silence.
Then, "Ma'am, what do you want me to do about that?" Brenda asked.
"Well, nothing," gotta say I was a bit stumped at her reply. "I just thought you would want to know that with all the ID theft and all out there, that you are issuing a very generous credit card offer to my dog."
"Does she have a job?" Brenda wanted to know.
"Her job is being a dog," I replied.
"Ma'am, if the applicant doesn't have employment, social security number, or a date of birth, then we can't open her account."
Ug, the "Date of Birth" thing. That's a very delicate subject around here. Since Darla is a pound rescue dog, we're kind of fuzzy on that. Brings up old issues.
"She's a dog," I repeated.
"Well, has she placed an order to a catalog in that name?" Clearly we were getting nowhere with Brenda.
Decided it was time to say, "B'bye" to Brenda and shred the offer before Darla gets her paws on it.
See, the thing is, this isn't the first time Darla Dog has received a credit card offer. What amazes me is in this day and age when TV news blares how bad the economy is, it's possible my dog is on a list somewhere for "Best Credit Risks In America."
Time to wrap this one up and go grab some lunch. I'm going to see if Darla can front me a few dollars to pay for today's grub.
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