The Honest Reason Why It’s Better We Are 500 Miles Apart On Our Anniversary
We won’t be together this anniversary.
It makes perfect sense, actually.
Things are working just as they are supposed to.
In a world where often not much makes sense,
This does.
I need to remind myself of that today.
This is an anniversary that very few get.
And one,
I bet,
You, who are a parent, Dear Reader, will understand.
I did not come to motherhood in a traditional way.
I married a single dad who was raising his young daughter alone after his ex-wife passed away.
This is the day a judge made her legally what she had already been in my heart for a very long time.
My daughter.
That I would dive heart first into an instant family has always made perfect sense to me.
I longed for motherhood.
And,
I had given up the wish.
That the opportunity came with a kid who already had a running start at life?
Who doesn’t share a single gene of my DNA?
That has mattered not a bit.
My daughter’s first mom had the first 8 years.
I’ve picked up the rest.
As much as I have embraced this incredible gift,
I can’t say that I have made sense of it.
How is it the greatest joy of my life comes at the expense of a young woman whose life ended too soon?
How is it that I am now the one who gets to do the mother-daughter things?
How is it that I forever share the most important job of my life with a woman I will never meet?
None of that makes sense.
Daughter and I have always gone out to celebrate our anniversary.
That bonus day beyond our birthdays that you get when you adopt.
Tea at a fancy restaurant or something girlie like that.
High tea at The Four Seasons Hotel, Atlanta. How we would splurge to celebrate our adoption anniversary before Daughter left for college.
Not this year.
We are not together.
The day my daughter’s first mother said, “Goodbye,” 11 years ago made no sense to that eight-year-old little girl.
The day Daughter said, “Goodbye” to me last August made all the sense in the world.
Our daughter left for college.
She is launched to fly.
I do believe we have raised one fantastically wonderful, imperfect young woman.
Her dad.
Her mom.
And this mom.
This is what it is about.
To see her fly.
No matter the joy of having her around.
They are meant to go.
This is true whether you birth them,
Adopt them,
Or however they come to your heart.
This is what it means to be a parent.
And so,
Daughter and I are not together,
This anniversary,
Of the day we picked each other.
This,
This,
Makes perfect sense.
It is a reason to celebrate.
So, from afar,
I will say,
“Happy Anniversary, Dearest Hija. You are the biggest gift ever. To me, to Dad, to Mom in heaven who shows us each day that a mother’s love knows no distance. To love you beyond the stars and the moon. This makes the most sense of all.”
Of course, it’s easy to be a big talker about all this apart business since I got to see Daughter a few days before our adoption anniversary when her new sorority hosted a mother-daughter weekend.
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