Four Reasons I’m Against Gay Marriage

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-I’m against gay marriage, because to me, there is no such thing. It is simply, er, marriage.

-I’m against gay marriage, because I would never want to be married to a gay man. I imagine our love life wouldn’t be all that great. Oh, and I’m already married. To a straight man. A wonderful straight man. There’s that.

-I’m against the gay marriage ban. Oh, that’s it. That’s what I’m really against. Gay marriage bans, which of course, are only selective marriage bans. I live in one of the final four states to hold onto an all out marriage ban, which is a wonderful thing because that’s going to be one amazing party when it’s lifted. How boring to be in the 18th or 34th state.

-The picture above says it all. There is only one man in this picture whom I would want to be married to. That hunky guy on my left. The rest of them? Not a chance. However, even though I don’t want to be married to them, doesn’t mean I’m not thrilled they are married to someone else.

There’s Roger & Mark, together 10 years. Married 2 years.

There’s Craig & Michael. Together 20 years. Married 10.

Craig & Michael actually introduced me to my husband and worked their magic to get him to ask me out. Thank goodness for friends who knew I wasn’t going to see my way out of 47-years of single-hood without some intervention. (Which answers the question single women across America have been asked, “How you ever going to find someone if you’re just hanging out with your gay boyfriends?”)

So let it be said, that my marriage is not threatened by these men being married to each other. It was created and inspired and now supported by them.

We love you guys. Thank you for being the kind of people who pour your energy into creating a new marriage rather than seeing it as an exclusive club where yours only counts if others don’t get to get in.

-Oh, the fourth reason I’m against gay marriage.

Screen Shot 2015-01-17 at 12.19.24 PM

My sister and her wife. Couple years ago, after being together 10 years, they went and eloped in Canada. Eloped! How can I support a marriage where I didn’t get to eat wedding cake?!  It’s all about the cake, right?  The part how they are the love of their lives, have created a loving wonderful family, support each other to the moon and back? Eh. Cake. I want cake.

Here’s hoping that other Kagan (Justice Elena—no relation, btw) and at least four other justices see the light when they hand down their historic decision later this year.

(This post was written in January 2015, months before the US Supreme Court’s historic, awesome decision.)




  • Robert

    I hope your sister will get you some cake.

  • I love coming across evidence of sanity!

  • Elva–you are very sweet. Thanks!

  • Robert–so glad you get it! Cake! Hopefully, vanilla with buttercream frosting! The important things in life!

  • Let there be cake ….. and happiness

  • Joy

    I am offended by your proclivities! Vanilla with vanilla? I had white cake with raspberry buttercream filling at my wedding. Therefore that is the only *correct* wedding cake.

  • Susan figueroa

    Yes it’s all about the cake! It was upsetting to me that my long time friend and her now wife had to go to Vermont to be wed! I cried because I could not be with them to celebrate the occasion! So yes, I got no cake and that plain out sucked!!

  • Me

    People elope all the time from the beginning of time when families, villages, clans disapprove a union. Forbidden love going on an adventure!!! Then celebrate with yummy cake. Just don’t call it a wedding cake or the bakery will charge extra for that ;p

  • Absolutely fabulous- I love it 🙂 Well done!!

  • Love this! Boils it down to the two reasons to get married…love and cake:)

  • John

    We had cupcakes at our wedding. Tiny individual cakes in five different flavors. But no wedding cake. Does that mean our marriage was illicit?

  • Living on the edge, John, you crazy kids!

  • The picture shows one straight couple and two gay couples. My guess is that all three couples share one comment, “Honey, I’m too tired tonight.” We are more alike than we are different.

  • Living on the edge, John, you crazy kids, you!

  • lifewithkaishon

    I love everything about your post. #beautiful

  • Oh you sneaky thing! I was gearing myself up for a heated debate when I started reading this, and you tricked me! LOL! Great article!

  • Jackie Johnson

    This article was JUST lovely, encouraging, and full of peace. Thank you do much for what has been a blessing; reading your words.

    The Peace Of The Lord Be With You friend.

  • Perfection.

  • Emy

    You just had to scare me with that title didn’t you?

  • jayponton

    And also with you, Jackie!

  • I’m so glad I stopped by to read this. Yes, I am against gay marriage too. I’m against anything that separates us and gives people labels so it’s easier to pick groups to hate. I love the little picture that goes around Facebook that says something along the lines of “When I parked my car today, I didn’t gay park it. When I had lunch I didn’t have gay lunch, I just had lunch, and I’m not gay married, I’m just married.” (Not EVEN the actual quote, by the way)

  • mark p

    Well put. Thank you.

  • Estelle gladstone

    me I’m straight my kids not let them both find the right ones

  • Darlyne Koretos

    I almost didn’t read this blog but saw that a think-alike friend of mine had “liked” it so I was intrigued. SO glad I read it. It was very uplifting and inspiring. Keep the positivity going!

  • Thank you for the delightful smile you gave me this morning while reading your post. My husband Dave and I have been married since September of last year, and we’ve been accepted by my entire family as well as his. We’re not “gay married,” as we’re just married while gay. (see: HAPPY)

    I led the march in Long Beach, CA in 2008 after the passing of Proposition 8, restricting and redefining marriage between a man and a woman. My personal stance was, who in their right mind would want to deny me bridal registry (just kidding….kinda). I found my soulmate, and we simply wanted something simple…we also eloped and married a month earlier, just surrounded by a handful of loved ones, as the wedding was growing out of control. Alas, I denied my mother wedding cake as well, but I promised her that we would renew our vows in the future so she could share in the moment.

    Thank you again for the much needed smile this morning…

  • mark p

    You either think it’s best for people to do things in their lives precisely as you would or have done yourself, or, you don’t. Instead you believe that the reasons for things being as they are transcend your feeble understanding and narrow view.

  • Sharon

    I thought “gay” marriage meant a HAPPY marriage. At least in the olden days gay meant happy. That’s the way I see it.

  • Beautiful – thanks for sharing.

  • Gina

    “Correct” is full on fruit cake 🙂 here in Ireland – I kid you not

  • Jennifer

    My sister is also happily married to her beautiful wife, I on the other hand I got to eat lots of cake ,along with 160 of all our family and friends at the Titanic Belfast, their partnership and marriage are envied by my other 2 sisters and myself , they are both my sisters and best friends xx

  • K

    If you don’t like gay marriage then don’t get one. If other people are happy about it, let them be happy.

  • Kim

    your lack of a wedding cake is an abomination in the eyes of…. Ummmmmmm my stomach! I need an invite to a gay wedding… That cake has gotta be the most delicious thing

  • Braden

    Im very glad there are people like you in this world. as to the cake issue. ..We recently had a case here in PORTLAND…YES PORTLAND “keep it weird” Oregon recently to where the owner of s local bakery flat out REF– USED to bake s cake for s gay couple! Of course they used the old “Religion” defense to justify their discrimination. Here was my question. …I must have missed something somewhere,I never realized I had to first list my sexuality, nor to have to justify or defend it to my BAKER! I ALSO must have missed the passage in the bible that states He who bakesth treats for homos shall be an abomination! People believe that owning a buisness in a public market gives them a right to discriminate against anyone they choose…whats next, we wont bake cakes for african americans, or hispanics or Asians? We had that once before, and it didnt tutn out so well! Hows about u have the right to believe and practice any bigoted religion u choose, but dont practice it in a PUBLIC BUISNESS….Oh yeah..seems they LOST that case as well…..its 2015….Time to get over our selves……so much more to worry about than this!

  • i slightly almost flipped when i saw the title of this article on facebook being liked by an old friend… and then i read it and it made me smile 🙂

  • Sir Quackberry
  • lauren

    Lol Braden your comment made me laugh so hard. I totally agree with your sentiment 100000000000000% the past that made me laugh though is the history of your state. Oregon was founded by people who set out to make a “white utopia” it was literally illegal and in the state constitution, to this day, for anybody who wasn’t white to enter, live in, work, own property in the state unit penalty of savage beatings to those who weren’t 100% white, or white “harboring” those of other races, every 6 months for 2 years then would be forcibly “hired out” to anybody who would physically remove them until the early 1900’s when the federal government passed constitutional law the trumped state doctrine allowing non whites to live, work, pass through and visit. Creating a hotbed for the growth of the Klan. Even up until 1975 it was a veritable Mecca for the KKK until there was not enough people around to hate and people stopped paying dues to the Klan and it folded. This is why Oregon has such a lacking in diversity to this day. So really, the refusal to bake a cake for a gay couple is coming after the refusal for the Asian, African American, Latino couple.

  • leanne pate

    yes … weddings are definitely about cake, that’s why we go … the rest if obvious

  • Carissa

    my sister and her (then) boyfriend eloped. I feel your cake pain. But she also didn’t tell my mother for like a month, and then only thru an email…so, in the grand scheme of things, the dearth of cakey goodness didn’t rate very high on the Things That You Got Horribly Horribly Wrong scale.

  • Pretty darn good reasons………LOL

  • Mark

    Nice article! But I’m still concerned about all this Cale controversy. What’s the answer? Perhaps a national moratorium on baking until we can get everything sorted out?

  • Mark

    Cake controversy, I meant to say.

  • Great post. Hope you get some wedding cake, it really isn’t okay not to have one. Shame on them!

  • Heather Wilson

    I almost had that overwhelming feeling anger irritation. Then, as I read further, my smile became obvious to my other half. I now have a little skip in my step as I head to kitchen to bake a homemade cheese cake with fresh raspberry topping. He thanks you. 🙂

  • Surely, there’s a slice for me? 🙂

  • Simply beautiful, so glad I came across your website and inspired writing!

  • GMG

    Reblogged this on Gay Marriage Globally.

  • With “White Cake” the only thing that matters is having a Bavarian Cream Custard filling, AND Chocolate Fudge Icing… !!! 😉

Four Reasons I’m Against Gay Marriage

by DarynKagan time to read: 2 min