How My Naughty Dog And I Ruined What Was Left Of Facebook

How my dog and I ruined what was left of Facebook.

Leave it to me to ruin Facebook.

Granted, your high school frenemy’s unending photos of her perfect children, the Russians, and your Cousin Allen’s hysterical political posts made the first big push.

I, now, have finished it off.

With the help of my naughty dog.

There was one wonderful, happy place left on the place that has become a social media cesspool.

Was, being the key word.

Not long after Husband and I adopted our crazy blue tick coonhound-beagle-dachshund mutt, we found a Facebook group for people who have rescued coonhounds.

Talk about a happy place!

People share photos and stories of the crazy stuff their hound dogs do.

 We laugh each night.

“Did you see the hound in Alaska who broke free and chased a moose for 6 miles?”

“Love that one! How about this one in Arkansas who shredded an entire couch?”

This group was such a fun, happy place.

Our pup, Butter, is adorable, but she has yet to chase a moose.

Right before Thanksgiving, I came to discover Butter had stolen a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread from my grocery bag, brought it into one of our daughters’ bedroom and gobbled up the whole thing.

Because Daughter is away at college, I haven’t been going into that room.

Smart dog.

I didn’t discover the wrapper until three days after bread by theft.

I snapped a “guilty plea” photo with Butter and the wrapper and went on my way.

     Until I shared the photo in the Facebook hound group.

How my dog and I ruined what was left of Facebook.
Mugshot of our naughty dog who stole and ate an entire loaf of cinnamon raisin bread. Why do I sense she’s saying, “And the problem is?…”

Has your ego gotten you into trouble online, Dear Reader?

What you thought was adorable,

Turns out to be evil.

Let me be clear– this is two weeks after the deed was done.

I expected “That’s so funny!” “She’s so cute!”

Instead, I quickly watched some spirited fellow hound humans shred me to pieces more savagely than I’m sure Butter tore apart that bread.

“You idiot! Don’t you know raisins are toxic to dogs!”

 “Get her stomach pumped right away!”

 “Her kidneys are failing!”

 “People,” I tried to assure them. “She’s fine. This was two weeks ago. What went in, has long ago come out.”

I even tried to lighten the mood with a little grocery store humor.

“Good thing I’m cheap and buy the generic store brand,” I said. “Fewer raisins.”

The crazies weren’t having it.

There were a few more mellow folks who got it.

 “Leave her alone, she knows her own dog.”

 This only fueled the fire.

 Forgot Democrat-Republican.

 You have never seen a more vicious debate than the topic of “Is this lady a terrible person?” in the formerly, friendly, happy hound group.

 In the effort of finding World Hound Peace, I texted my vet.

  “She’s probably fine,” he assured me. “If you want to drop off a urine sample, we can check that for any abnormalities.”

  Exhale.

The voice of reason.

Wait, how do you get a urine sample from a dog who is faster than a jack rabbit? Turns out Vet had a great hack for that.

My vet texted a great hack for getting a urine sample from my dog.

Well, it sounded brilliant, anyway. 

Until I had to try it.

Yes, Neighbors, that was me chasing my dog with a bouncy unwound wire hanger holding a plastic cup last week.

This was the comical scene walking down our street trying to capture a urine sample from my naughty dog.
This was the comical scene walking down our street trying to capture a urine sample from my naughty dog.

I had success only at the very end.

Turns out, she does have a slight bladder infection, which Vet assures me has nothing to do with Raisin-Gate.

She’s now on 10 days of antibiotics. This also made me nervous because my last dog, Darla Louise, would suck down any treat I was using to disguise medicine and spit out the pill without it going down.

Thank goodness, the pharmacist taught me another great hack–Put the meds in one piece of cheese and as soon as the first piece is in her mouth, give her another one. She’ll swallow twice before she can spit out the pill.

Genius!

Step One of the "Two Pieces of Cheese" Trick to get my naughty dog to take her meds.
Step One of the “Two Pieces of Cheese” Trick to get my naughty dog to take her meds.

Oh, the lessons we’ve learned.

I’ve learned Facebook groups,raisins, wire hangers, and cheese might not be what you first expect. 

And Butter?

She’s learned that stealing a loaf of cinnamon raisin bread will get her four pieces of cheese a day.

I don’t think either of us will ever be the same.

What’s the naughtiest thing your dog has ever eaten? Please share in the Comments section below.

And if you like this post, you might like my latest book,

“Hope Possible: A Network News Anchor’s Thoughts On Losing Her Job, Finding Love, A New Career, And My Dog, Always My Dog.”

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How My Naughty Dog And I Ruined What Was Left Of Facebook

by DarynKagan time to read: 3 min
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