My Husband Said ‘No Dog On The Couch!’ And Then This Happened

You make the call about dog on the couch-Yes or No?

I’ve started shopping for one of those DNA kits.

     For my husband.

     The need is rather urgent.

     For it’s become rather obvious,

     He is not the man I married.

     You might remember THAT guy, Dear Reader.

     The one who was such an animal-unlover that he seriously considered not marrying pet-crazy me.

     The one who insisted we go to pre-marital counseling simply to talk about how we would live with pets inside the house and set up, what was the word…

     Oh, that’s right.

     Boundaries.

     How is it possible this is that man?

     The one who has totally lost his mind over our 3-year-old mini hound dog mutt.

There's no denying she's adorable. But does she belong on the couch?
There’s no denying she’s adorable. But does she belong on the couch?

     She is 30.5 pounds of naughty.

     Sure, there are flashes of the guy I dated for two years.

     Like a couple of weeks ago when we bought a new couch.

     The old one was trashed,

     I’ll admit,

     From too much animal time.

     To be fair, while I came into the marriage as the animal crazy person, I’ve always been a “no dogs on the couch” kind of person.

     Actually, I believe it was my longtime 3-legged cat, Tripod, who set that rule.

     One swipe across the nose of then puppy, Darla, and the policy was set.

The late great Darla Louise

     That was long ago.

     Before Tripod and Darla took their trips over the Rainbow Bridge.

     Before this husband.

     Before this dog.

     This dog, who Husband encouraged to snuggle with him on the old couch.

     To rough house.

     No wonder we needed a needed a new couch.

     When it arrived last week, Old Husband reemerged.

     “No dog on the new couch!” he declared.

     I ran out and got Pup a new squishy dog bed as a replacement distraction.

     One of those ads on Instagram sucked me in.

     Much to my surprise, she’s taken to it.

I mean, really, is there anything cuter? Who needs a couch when you have Lamby and this squishy bed?
I mean, really, is there anything cuter? Who needs a couch when you have Lamby and this squishy bed?

     She’s happy in her new bed, especially if it’s close to where her humans are sitting.

     All was well.

     Until last night.

     About a half hour into watching football.

     Husband decided he missed the dog.

     His dog.

     Picture this—

     Walking into our living room.

     Pup was in her bed, alright.

     But the bed was now ON the couch snuggled up to Husband.

Busted. Though technically, is there really a dog on the couch?
Busted. Though technically, is there really a dog on the couch?

     They both looked at me like, “And the problem is…”

     The problem is…

     The problem is…

     Well, I’m actually trying to figure out if there is a problem.

     Besides the matter of the alien who has swapped out bodies with Husband.

     Besides the $1,000 we spent eight years ago on those counseling sessions.

     Think of the couch we could’ve bought!

     Besides the shedding that will be all over the new couch.

     You might want to buy stock in those lint rollers.

     We’ll be back buying them in bulk.

     So, weigh in on the latest hot button topic to grace this column.

     Dog or no dog on couch, Dear Reader?

     Daryn@DarynKagan.com.

     And if anyone sees that guy I dated, you can tell him there’s one wife and one pup giving thanks that miracles really do happen. 

What say you? Dog on couch or no? Please weigh in in the Comments section below.

And if you like this story, you might like my latest book,

“Hope Possible: A Network News Anchor’s Thoughts On Losing Her Job, Finding Love, A New Career, And My Dog, Always My Dog.”

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My Husband Said ‘No Dog On The Couch!’ And Then This Happened

by DarynKagan time to read: 4 min
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