Why You Should Hire My Dog As Your Next Commencement Speaker

An opportunity has been missed.

In this Graduation Season I see a long list of celebrities, politicians, and business giants asked to give commencement speeches.

I watch.

Looking to be impressed.

Instead, I’m left with the feeling that once you get past the famous name, there’s often something missing.

The feeling that, well,

My dog could do better.

So, graduates of the Class of 2018, let me fill in the blanks where perhaps your commencement speaker left you wanting.

I bring you Commencement speech wisdom from my dog, Butter.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

SMELL: New jobs, new loves, new cities. Smell them out first. Don’t get distracted by the idea they don’t fit someone else’s mold of fabulous. Follow the scent of your own trail. And if it don’t smell right, move on.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

WORK HARD: At that entry level job, on your relationships, your community. Like the hard work I had to put into getting the last bit of peanut butter from the bottom of this jar, the effort is worth it to get to the treasure inside.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

     SNUGGLE UNDER THE COVERS: Taking a chance will sometimes mean belly-flopping in the middle of the lake.  Taking a leap can sometimes hurt. Lick your wounds, and crawl under the covers. It’s wonderful for a hot minute. Don’t stay too long, it gets hard to breathe.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

     GET EXCITED: Come out of those covers bounding at a new opportunity, a new idea, a new career.

Keep learning new tricks: I’m currently working on rolling over, which I do ¾’s of the way and then have no idea what Mama is talking about. But learning is fun and keeps your brain on fire.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

BRING SOMEONE JOY: The way I look at my family makes them smile. Makes them laugh. Makes me a love machine super hero.  Do this for someone. Every single day.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

LET SOMEONE KNOW YOU ARE LOVED: Just because they are your person.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

WEAR YOUR STINK: Rolling on grass with my friend, Scout, letting the neighbor kids pet me with their sticky fruit snack hands, sniffing out cat poop in the ivy, I work hard at being me. Earn your stink. Don’t let someone scrub you generic like store brand shampoo.

My dog's commencement speech wisdom

LIVE LIKE TIME IS SHORT: I’ve only been on earth a year and a half. But every dog shows up knowing we don’t sign as a long a contract to stick around as long as you humans. That’s how we know to make the most of every piece of kibble, every ride in the car, every UPS delivery person showing up at the front door. Live each moment big while also making time to take that nap in the afternoon sunshine, and you’ll have this life thing mastered.

Now, go howl at the moon. You’ve made it. Life and a walk down the street is waiting.

Can I tell you how awesome a walk down the street is?

Tell the Class of 2019, I’m currently accepting invitations for next year.

I work for cookies.

What would your dog add to this list of doggie wisdom?  Please leave in the Comments section below.

((Please catch my syndicated column each week in Cox and Outlaw Partner Newspapers across the country.)))

If enjoy this story, you might enjoy my book,

“Hope Possible: A Network News Anchor’s Thoughts On Losing Her Job, Finding Love, A New Career, And My Dog, Always My Dog.”

final front cover



Why You Should Hire My Dog As Your Next Commencement Speaker

by DarynKagan time to read: 2 min
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